Don’t. Eat. Cake.

I’m sitting on the train, and, as usual, am listening to my ipod on shuffle – which is fine in many ways, as it provides a constant and random selection of songs. However, it also provides the random introduction of other things that happen to be on there. Some people telling me how to order coffee in Portuguese for example. A podcast I subscribed to, forgot was rubbish, and forgot to take off there. And, prince over all them all in the chart of random things to pop up – Paul McKenna trying to hypnotise me into being thin.

I don’t know why I have this. No, that’s a lie, I know perfectly well why I have this. I have this because I realised I was fat, decided I wanted to do something about it, but was too lazy and scared to ACTUALLY do anything about it so spent 7.50 on Amazon in the hope that I could slap on some headphones close my eyes and, when I opened them again, I’d be thin.

I bought it, I received it, and evening after evening for some time afterward, I lay on top of the covers with my eyes and concentrated on the voice telling me comforting and fat-deflating. So, most importantly, Did It Work?